Alone for Thanksgiving

It’s hard for me to find the words to describe loneliness. The best I can come up with is that it feels like someone has scooped out all my insides, leaving only a shell that outsiders see. They think everything is fine – normal. That’s the way I want it.

After all these years of being alone, it’s surprising that I still find it embarrassing to tell anyone that I am lonely. I feel foolish. Less than. Selfish. And I worry, especially at holidays, that my confession might make someone feel compelled to invite me to their festivities, hoping all the while that I will decline.

Thanksgiving has always been the hardest time. Besieged by TV commercials and programs, articles and stories, real and fictional, about folks gathering together, sometimes traveling great distances, to sit around tables in a virtual marathon of love and affection, makes me sick at heart. I am, of course, smart enough to know that this is not an accurate portrayal of the lives of many Americans. But knowing is not feeling. And no matter how hard I try, I fall prey to the sadness every year. And the older I get, the more sensitive I become to the depression that envelopes so many people at this time, especially the elderly.

For the last few years, I have been blessed with wonderful Thanksgivings. People have seen to it that I am not alone. Their invitations genuine. This year, as last, I will be with my friend and her family – son and girlfriend, daughter and her husband and their 3 sons – twin 13-year-olds and an 8-year-old. There will be laughter, some bickering, lots of noise and boyish mischief, and great food. I will feel truly thankful. The reason for the holiday realized.

But, as I relish the time I spend Thursday, I will be remembering the many times I was alone. Some years I would make myself a real Thanksgiving dinner, baking a turkey breast, making stuffing and sweet potatoes. I would set the table with my favorite dishes. Sitting by myself. Silent. Other years I ordered take out. And there were years when I pretended I did not notice what day it was. Those were the worst.

I believe it is important for me to remember those times. I do not want to forget all the lonely people who will struggle to get through the holiday. And there are so many. Young and old. Those, like me, without family. Those who are alone due to death, estrangement or distance. The homeless. Those too poor to have a decent dinner. Those in the military. Those who have jobs that do not allow them time off. Especially the children and the elderly who are left alone.

I do not know what time has in store for me. Three friends died this year. The world seems to be such a cruel place. I am sometimes frightened and frequently sad. And yes, lonely. But I am blessed. I have a life filled with abundance. I am safe. I still find wonder and awesomeness. My loneliness is temporary, at least for now.

So I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with a grateful heart. And remember all those lonely people in my prayers.

Carole Leskin
caroleleskin15@comcast.net

 

About Carole Leskin 21 Articles

Carole Leskin taught English and History in the Philadelphia public schools before moving into the Human Resources field. She was a Director of HR, working primarily with global organizations, specializing in Training and Development, Employee Relations and Diversity.

Carole has a Master’s degree in English Education and is a Certified Senior Human Resources Professional and Diversity Recruiter.

Now retired, she writes about the challenges of aging, especially for those who live alone and have no family, a subject that impacts her personally.

5 Comments

  1. As always your wisdom and writing skills reach out and touch those of us who are kindred spirits. I too, know those moments you write of, eventhough I have a small family. Thanksgiving is my favorite secular holiday and I used to entertain family and friends for years with fabulous dinners. Now I find out days before if my son and his family are doing something that day. Some holidays I spend alone when they are invited to friends homes. When I was the hostess, I always included my friend’s parents or in-laws. I guess the social niceties have changed. Fortunately, I am preparing a special treat for tomorrow for all to enjoy and I am thankful not to be alone on this holiday.
    Wishing you a joyful day!

    • Hello Linda. As always, it is such a pleasure to hear from you and that my article touches you. I am glad to know that you will be in good company tomorrow. But, I believe you are in good company when you are alone too. I think we have both learned over the years to be our own best friends. It’s not easy. But important. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

  2. I am completely alone. My family lives 20 minutes ad 35 minutes away but abandoned me many years ago. I am disabled by a severe facial [ain disorder (trigeminal neuralgia) which ended my being in the work world in 1976. Without family and work it is virtually impossible to make a new family for yourself or find friends. My life does not have the glue to make friendships. I cant talk about a spouse or children or grandchildren as I never married. I have no job history to talk about absent work I did while I was in college so that leaves out talking about pensions or 401 ks etc.
    I think there may be many others like myself completely alone but no one knows about us (and when I have talked about it, for instance in a support group for my pain disorder, no one could relate and it was as though I hadnt said a word.).
    I( am glad the author has hope and the knowledge her lonliness will abate. Sadly that is not true fo many others.
    Thankl you for writing this piece and sharing your own experience.

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