Guest Post: Living Life Alone

Editor’s Note: This guest commentary is from one of my students at the Katz JCC in Cherry Hill, NJ.

For many of us, the “holiday season” begins with Rosh Hashanah, and moves on thru Yom Kippur, Thanksgiving, Chanukkah, Christmas, and finally New Year.

If we are fortunate, we have friends who are sensitive to our “family-less” situation, and invite us to be part of their celebrations and rituals.  I am always greatful for these invitations and enjoy being part of what are often boisterous, fun, memory filled days.  But there is a part of me that recognizes that I am different – an outsider looking in.  Without spouse or partner, children or grandchildren, I lack common ground.  And often, I return home with feelings of sadness and loneliness – that awful isolation that makes my apartment feel so empty.

Much is written about this.  But what about the rest of the year?  How does living alone and without family effect day to day living?

There are so many challenges and most of them seem to go unrecognized.  Perhaps it is too painful to discuss, embarassing to admit or difficult to solve.

Going any place alone, where partners or families are prevelant, is frequently uncomfortable and often disheartening.  Many of us choose to stay home.  Try going to services at synogogue alone.  Watch as husbands and wives give a tender touch or children laugh with parents.

And oh!  Those myriad seminars and classes that discuss financial planning and health issues.  Important topics to be sure, but almost always assume family.

All legal planning takes on an extra layer of complication.  Writing a will – what do I leave and to whom?  Who will care for my beloved pets?  Who can be my health advocate?  And end of life planning?  My anxiety level rises to new heights each time I contemplate or try to find solutions to something I never thought about until recently.  Dying alone?  A really scary thought.

Now that I am 70, health problems, fewer friends due to death or incapacity, and a somewhat less adventurous attitude have given me pause.  A real shock to my very being!

And I think about my legacy.  Without family – what will it be?

Carole Leskin
caroleleskin15@comcast.net

About Rabbi Richard Address 391 Articles
Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min, is the Founder and Director of www.jewishsacredaging.com. Rabbi Address served for over three decades on staff of the Union for Reform Judaism; first as a Regional Director and then, beginning in 1997, as Founder and Director of the URJ’s Department of Jewish Family Concerns and served as a specialist and consultant for the North American Reform Movement in the areas of family related programming. Rabbi Address was ordained from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in 1972 and began his rabbinic career in Los Angeles congregations. He also served as a part time rabbi for Beth Hillel in Carmel, NJ while regional director and, after his URJ tenure, served as senior rabbi of Congregation M’kor Shalom in Cherry Hill, NJ from 2011-2014.

3 Comments

  1. Its sad but true for so many. We as a society especially us that work in the field advocating for our older adults to do more to include them. I feel and think its much harder when older adults are living in their homes . I am 55 and have not been to synagogue for some of those same reasons and alot to do with the cost of membership and tickets for the high holidays. We need to come up with a way for outreach. I have family , a daughter who is a senior in college looking to serve in the Peace Corp then grad school. I would love to reach out and help . I am game I hope others are as well.

  2. This is a serious topic that often goes unrecognized. Support groups only touch the surface. As we mature income may become lessoned and lawyers become more expensive. I think ALL communities much face a growing situation. Some people bury their head in the sand because its just easier.
    Carole, I’m proud of you for putting it out there and recognizing a problem many may face

  3. As I read this, I think to myself, “and you feel lonely”! I have children and grand children. I honestly feel so ashamed. I am so glad that Carole had the strength and courage to share this with us. This needs to be shared to many who are thinking these thoughts and possibly have not shared with others. Remember this Carole, you are not alone.

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