Things get weird this time of year. Memories compete with current events in my life. I miss and even long for those significant loved ones with whom I shared this season, speaking about the past, preparing for now, reconsidering our interactions, laying out the future.
It’s not that my life is not full; it certainly is. It’s filled with people I love, and hope and fulfillment.
But somehow particularly now the past intrudes, as though a sliver of myself were pulling those shadows back into day to day reality as I live it now. It’s a time of nostalgia for what was and cannot be ever again, but also a time to recall and even to relive, to bring those gone from my life into the present again and appreciate how they made me what I am.
It’s as though the dialogue between us continues along the vector we started then, but lives still through my thoughts, actions and dreams. If we are the sum of our experiences, then they add to the processes of my life still, in a mysterious way, as though they never quite disappeared entirely, but speak to me daily as I see them reflected in thoughts and actions.
I am not acting for them, just with their influence as they lean over my shoulder and whisper in my ear: “Nothing ever quite dies entirely, so live with me and let me touch you still.