A Time Trip – Va-Yeilekh

I get it! Finally.

“I am now one hundred and twenty years old …” That’s Moses, not me. He goes on, “I can no longer be active.” That’s almost me. I’m still fairly active for my four score and six years. And all those years ago, the week I was born, Va-Yeilekh was the Torah portion read and from it, Moses speaks to me now. At a retreat in the late 1980s, Rabbi Ted Falcon shared our birth portions. Since then, curious about my birth portion, I’ve dipped into it from time to time, but Moses’ words didn’t touch me. I’d quickly go on to something else. Today, his words hit home.

In Va-Yeilekh, Moses reminds the Israelites that God will not let him go across the Jordan into the ‘promised land’, that his leadership is at an end, and that Joshua will lead them into the land. He faces his limits and prepares for those who follow. Same for me.

Limits abound. I, who used to run for miles, find my breath coming hard after I climb the forty-three steps in our home. Tired more frequently, I’m doing smaller travels to friends and family but hesitating on the bigger trips. Experienced COVID at end of the last two overseas ventures. I delight in the flowers and fruits in the roof deck garden but put off carrying new potting mix up those stairs. I enjoy working with clients, almost always seeing changes in a good direction, but now, the end of the workday appears quite desirable.

Leadership has shifted. Seders in our home are smaller, Open Door Shabbat is no longer, and there are fewer folks to hang out with. Family gatherings happen mostly in our kids’ homes.

Then we read: “The Lord said to Moses” The time is drawing near for you to die.”  Read in my fifties, so what!  Now, at 86, that’s real!!!  My finish line looms. Moses knew the exact day, I don’t. But it is near, and somehow, I find that very manageable. It heightens my sense of what’s important and makes difficult choices easier. We’ve purchased plots, informed kids, and recently visited the lawyer to update wills and powers of attorney. Preparing makes an easier transition for our kids.

OK, there’s got to be some good news in all this. Of course. Moses tells the Israelites, “Be strong and resolute, be not in fear or dread …” He repeats this twice and assures them that God will be with them, not forsaking them, not failing them. “Fear not and be not dismayed!” Good words to hear and even better words to sink into my heart when falls, hurts, and earth shakings happen.

Moses drops into details. Debts must be remitted in the seventh year. The Torah must be read to everyone every year – men, women, children and strangers. ‘Everyone’ is unusually inclusive for Torah. But then again, we all die. Nor will things go smoothly, for as God foresees, these stiff-necked Israelites are planning to sneak forbidden goodies, to do their own thing. I also find myself avoiding and dallying. Stiff-necked me.

Torah is smart. It responds to human fallibility, as God instructs Moses: “Therefore, write down this poem and teach it to the people of Israel; put it in their mouths …”. Transmit a map. Give people guidelines. Share what you have experienced. And I’ve been writing my life experiences, connecting them with world history, psychological development and spiritual growth. This writing has gifted me a perspective on my abilities and limits, regrets and gifts. Sharing it with my family is important. As with Moses, it’s my experiences, not theirs. At best, it’s a useful map.

“Gather to me all the elders of your tribes and your officials, that I may speak all these words to them . . ..”  Caring and sharing are good traveling companions along our life journey. Over decades, my eyes have perused these very same words from my Torah birth portion. Yet, I was unable to see what you’ve just read – until now.

Torah quotes in order: Deuteronomy 31:2, 31:6 and 7, 31:8, 31:14, 31:10-13, 31:28.