As baby boomers who still envision our energy of our 18-year-old selves, (NOT!) who had the world and our future in front of us, with no limits on our accomplishments and dreams, and often being the first American-born generation in our family who will go to college and be the example of the American Dream, it’s not uncommon today to look in the mirror and question so much about the unfamiliar person staring back.
If you’re lucky, your high school graduation picture looks somewhat like the reflection in that mirror!
What does that image tell you about yourself and how you’ve lived your life? Did the bucket list get all checked off? Are you living somewhere you could never imagine you’d end up? Was your chosen profession the one that happened or did your journey take you down a different yellow-brick road?
Oh, how the years flew by while climbing the ladder to success and trying to keep up with the Jones, raising a family, making decisions that just weren’t about ourselves but our aging parents, college money for the kids, stay married/divorce, to down-size/move/stay put.
With many of those crucial life decisions behind us, there may be a realization that we can now concentrate on ourselves! Do exactly what we want or do nothing! What a concept! Easier said than done, right? Sometimes doing nothing is really hard. It sounds appealing to just sit with no TO-DO list, to read the classics you never had time for, to catch up on old movies, pride yourself on being an endless news junky.
But then the body muscles tell you that doing not much of anything hurts, makes you more tired, gives you an excuse not to take that walk you promised yourself, and while no one is looking grab that candy bar, piece of pie or the cheeseburger and fries the doctor said was a “NO-NO! And then you must deal with the consequences that were easier to deal with when you were 18!
And in this 21st century baby boomer life we lead, is introspection, pondering and contemplation part of what we do when we actually have less to do?
It’s not easy to feel unneeded by family or work and socially limited. It’s not easy to realize your calendar is filled with doctor appointments and not business appointments. Or your work life is behind you and earning money is not the demanding goal it once was, even though you are financially secure. Or, if you are not financially secure, it’s very difficult to accept financial help from the kids or other family members.
When do all the regrets of the past stop and we can emotionally reconcile with what wasn’t and just live with what is, be carefree and lounge with no guilt? Okay, we know that answer and it’s the worst alternative!
And truly, I have no answers to these questions. But that doesn’t stop them from creeping into my brain!
I’m confronted with many of these considerations because I recently had the opportunity to accompany my daughter to the University of Oregon, in Eugene, to move my granddaughter, now a senior, — Oy Vey! how the years fly by! — into her final college accommodations. She’s lived in a dorm, apartment and two rental houses! All pretty cool abodes! Nothing like the digs we lived in during our college days!
The dorm and apartment complex offered large lounges for Wi-Fi stations for homework, roof-top swimming pools, work-out gyms, very modern décor, full-on kitchens, washer-dryers, all the comforts of home and more! The two 1950s style houses are old-fashioned, needing up-dating but with front and backyards, clean and in nice neighborhoods, and able to accommodate three students who liked to entertain, cook and took pride in their decorating.
My granddaughter has had the same roommates all four years, lovely, ambitious, Jewish young women from great families. How lucky is she?
So, what struck me during my visit with these 21-year-olds and several of their guy friends, was the way these Gen Zs (born in the later 1990s-2010) approached life, their college experience, the world and how they fit into it, and their takeaways of the older generations.
Let’s make a fact clear that has always fascinated me: Gen Ys (born in the 1980-1996) and Gen Zs generally don’t date like baby boomers dated! Ask any female baby boomer and it was a dream to have a boyfriend, “To go steady,” wear his Letterman’s jacket, have a date every Saturday night with him and have a great outfit for that date, and NEVER be without a date for the Homecoming Dance, Christmas Dance and MOST importantly THE PROM!! (I didn’t have that date for my senior Prom, so I got on a plane to visit relatives in San Francisco to hide my sadness.)
These kids, during middle school, high school and college, just HANG OUT in small or large groups. In fact, many of the ones I spoke with had no idea the significance of “Homecoming!” To them it was just a football game where a King and Queen were crowned! They didn’t know that Home Coming was for the school’s alumni to come back for the football game, to visit old teachers, to catch-up with old friends and reminisce about the “Old days!” I learned this when my granddaughter was on the decorating committee for Homecoming in high school, and she had no clue what I was talking about!
I was the one who rolled my eyes!
And today, even if they are a couple, there’s no “formal ask” for a Saturday night date! It’s just a, “Hey, let’s hang out Saturday,” initiated by any member of the group! Sometimes there are specific plans and sometimes there aren’t.
I don’t know a baby boomer girl who didn’t sit by the phone until Thursday night waiting for THAT special ring for the Saturday night date! And if the guy asked you at school on Friday or called Friday night for a Saturday date, well! NO WAY! That just meant that someone else turned him down and there was NO WAY you were going to be a “Left-over desperate date!” So humiliating! Sitting home and crying was far better!
The general opinion I got from Gen Ys and Zs is that all this 1960s dating stuff and formality was just plain stupid! For the dances, friends might ask each other to go together WITH the group in limos — yeah! Remember our limos? NOT! — and I believe if you had this “Informal ask” by a guy or girl, it really meant you would be guaranteed a corsage or boutonniere! (A girl without a corsage made a statement.) And if you were going with just a group of girls, your parents might buy you a corsage! It seems the guys didn’t care so much about a carnation in their lapel!
And ready for this? Girls danced with girls, groups danced together, again, no formality, no sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to ask you to the dance floor! If you want to dance, just go out there and join the gang, no judgements made!
Basically, Gen Ys and Zs socializing revolves around very casual get-togethers like Taco-Tuesday, sporting events, game nights, in a casual atmosphere, nothing fancy, no special clothing required, where everyone can just be themselves without trying to impress anyone. And if two people find a mutual attraction, it would just be an organic process to “Be together,” no boyfriend/girlfriend terms attached!
With no surprise, the biggest transformation from Gen Y and Z and baby boomers and Gen X (1965-1980) is the creation of advanced technology. And we thought we were cool if we were the first on our block to have a color TV!
OMG! (oh-my-G-d) LOL! (laugh-out-loud), how naïve was our childhood? In our wildest vision, Twilight Zone was as far as our imaginations could take us, and in some instances, those Rod Serling (nice Jewish boy) concepts were too scary to consider as anything but fantasy!
Could you ever imagine while growing up that libraries for reference purposes would one day be obsolete, that you could write notes and letters via a handheld telephone that you didn’t have to insert a coin into or pick up the receiver, that you never had to walk into a bank, a department store or grocery store ever again, while goods showed up at your front door and you didn’t have to write a check or pay with cash?
How did you feel after seeing 2001: A Space Odyssey? Did you ever imagine that a computer would fly planes, drive our cars, and Artificial Intelligence would tell us how to make the best-ever banana bread or diagnose our stomach pains? I think not, unless you went to MIT, Stanford or Caltech and studied futuristic technology! For us lay-people, it’s still ALL out-of-this-world unreal! I remember once asking my Bubbe, “What was the greatest invention during your lifetime?” and she simply said, “Airplanes.” And then we went to the moon and then two astronauts got stranded in space longer than they expected and no one is worried!
BUT, and my point in all these observations and words, is that Gen Y and Z take all this for granted! They look at us with rolling eyeballs when we express our incredulous amazement at the advancement in our world, while continually explaining to us how to maneuver the TV remote, let alone put new batteries in it! Any five-year-old can fix or teach you about your iPhone! All I have to do is call my son and say, “RAAAAAANDY…” and he immediately says, “Ok, Mom, what’s not working, the computer, your phone or the TV?” Yap! He’s got my number!
(Tip: If the TV goes dark, unplug the big black plug from the wall, count to 10, plug it back in and wait for it to REBOOT! Bingo! You don’t have to call Xfinity! And if your computer goes blank, same thing, unplug the plug from the back of it, wait, plug it back in, another REBOOT and bingo! AND if your phone is doing funky stuff: Shut it down for five minutes! Even electronics need a rest! But as baby boomers, WE CAN ride the wave and leave the frustration behind! Just ask any five-year-old if you need more assistance!)
About fifteen years ago my brother called me from Hawaii while he and his son were on jet skis in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I looked at me 10-year-old grandson and said, “Can you imagine that Uncle Neal called us while skiing in the middle of the ocean?” And he looked at me and said, “So?” That’s when I knew I was in trouble, and old!
What we find AMAZING, younger people find NATURAL, A GIVEN, LIFE!
I guess what disturbs me is that they take these worldly advancements for granted without thought of how it all got here and what life was like when you had a party-line, had to get off the couch to change the TV station, had to check out books to do a research paper, and wait for the morning paper to be delivered to find out yesterday’s news!
BUT as a proud Grandmother of Gen Ys, here’s what I congratulate Gen Y and Z for:
-Because of the instant technology, they are more aware than we were
-Because of Facebook, Instagram, TikTok etc. they can share and organize information much quicker, they can be advocates for specific causes by amplifying their passions, via digital characters they can separate political issues into meaningful dialogue
-Though they have a variety of opinions, social and economic justice for all is a prevalent thread
-They see climate change as a forefront global issue and promote awareness for environmental threats
-Gun control is a must
-They scream for free speech as a cornerstone of the Constitution, believe in peaceful marches without violence while using digital tools to carry their messages
-They are champions of authenticity in public figures and movements and want absolute transparency
-Their generation has increased in voting numbers as the political issues have become more volatile, while progressive topics and challenges push them to enact social change
-Though money is an absolute need, it is not the driving factor for success: Accomplishment, self-respect and being one’s authentic self is the motivator
And they are not laid back as some may think. They take their studies seriously, work jobs while in high school and college, seek internships during the summer, tend to eat much healthier than we did as college students and regard friends as family members.
As Jewish baby boomers, we can be very proud of how our Jewish students are engaging in Jewish activities on all campuses around the country. Hillel and Chabad are thriving and serve as centers for Jewish social, cultural and religious activities. There are over 550 Hillel campuses in North America and worldwide and 260 Chabad’s around the world. Coming together for Shabbat and Passover dinners and Holiday Services offers a vital role to students when away from home while creating a campus Jewish community and lifelong friendships. Opinions were expressed that without the Jewish connection in college, there would be a sense of loss from their roots and upbringing.
I love being with young people, I learn so much from them. They widen my perspectives, show me there is more than one way to do things, and most importantly, they give me a sense of TIKVAH (hope) in a world of trying to understand a new normal. They bring a fresh outlook to what often feels bleak and a conviction and passion that they have the resources and power to right the wrongs.
They have the same aspirations we had, which reminds me, “There is nothing new under the sun!” — Just new faces and tools to go out and conquer the world!
So, while we baby boomers adjust to the new world, deal with aches and pains, political upheaval, let’s take pride in our young adults and stop kvetching for all the wrongs we can’t control and kvell for the generations that will carry on our hopes and dreams that all ages want, because, in spite of all that is new and old, good and bad, strange and familiar, we all want to smile while we still have teeth!
To the Gen Zs and Ys, who offered their honest opinions: Love you and thank you for your time and:
May G-d bless you and protect you
May G-d show you favor and be gracious unto you
May G-d show you kindness and grant you peace
And may you continue to be your 21st Century authentic selves…
As a Baby Boomer Bubbe who still feels 18 but has four grand kids to prove this is the 21 Century, Sandra writes to leave a legacy for the next generations. Her belief that these precious kids need to know their cultural and family’s past in order for them to live their future is all the muse she needs!
She has a Master’s Degree in Psychology and Cross Cultural studies, has written a family history, personal memoir and is completing her first novel.
Her grandmother’s journey to America and life is her source for her deep belief and love for Judaism.
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