In 2023 I wrote a column called “Whenever I Feel Afraid.” And that was before October 7. And before the last election. And before the most shocking first 100 days of any presidency in history. Before Jews getting firebombed and assassinated. Now I am dealing with fears that I never imagined.
Our news is frightening. Climate change, do I need winter clothes or summer clothes? War in Ukraine, Israel, Yemen, India and who knows where next. Diseases that we thought were eliminated, where will the next measles outbreak be?
Political uncertainty?
No, I think there is certainty.
Certainty that our current leaders are ripping things apart. It reminds me of a theory I developed later in life about us, the baby boomers, who spent so much time attacking the institutions that we thought we old and out of date.
My theory: we wanted to change everything, so we ripped things down without preparing for the consequences. We didn’t have the replacements in place. That left us wandering and wondering until we found our place. Yet the Department of Government Efficiency was much more efficient at ripping things apart without a plan than we ever were.
We are bombarded with difficulties 24 hours a day. I’m sure I am not the only one confronted by these kinds of things:
- I went to a great conference in January. As we look for next year’s location we now need to consider the safety of our LGBT+ members. I get anxious and worried for my own family members around the country.
- DOGE has looked at social security and Medicare. I get stressed that I will outlive my savings, and definitely have nothing left to leave my children.
- The administration takes actions that are so clearly unconstitutional, without fear of consequences because there have been very few in the past, not to mention that the Supreme Court has emboldened the president by granting him immunity. Even when judges rule against the administration, it appears to ignore the orders. I had faith in our rule of law. I find the preponderance of injustice is eroding my faith.
- I have been active in electoral politics since I was a pre-teen. Now the news all seems to leave me hopeless at my powerlessness. The power of the people seems to now live in only the exceedingly rich people.
- I have always been proud of being well informed. In other words, a news junkie. I feel guilty when I just can’t take hearing any more (bad) news. Guilt? I think I was gifted enough guilt from my mother without adding more.
- I have always been a proud Jew. Proud and vocal. Can I be as visible without putting myself and my family in danger?
So, what can we do to help cope? These are some things I try:
- Set a schedule, with limits, and stick to it. It is easy to set the schedule, harder to keep to it. Put checking the news on the schedule, at a certain time or times of day for a specific length of time. Put quiet time on the schedule, to meditate, pray, or just be.
- Mute most notifications, so you only engage with things that meet your schedule. Tailor your social media viewing, perhaps to get facts rather than opinion. Even the opinions you agree with cause heartache.
- Seek out some positive or uplifting stories or scroll social feeds that make you feel good. I like watching animals at play, particularly with other species. Check out YouTube videos of dogs who are friends with deer, a particular favorite of mine.
It might help to try to focus on what you can control – even if there aren’t many things, or if they only feel small. Make a list of the things you can change, and the things you can’t. You will then know what to focus on. Notice positive things in your life that are staying the same, despite other things feeling uncertain. Distract yourself from the things you can’t control. Exercise is distracting, as are movies and TV (as long as you don’t go right to the news stations).
Take action for change in the world. I have been gratified watching the protests going on around the country. Maybe the American people are starting to wake up to the great challenges we face to our democracy and our freedoms. I think I did enough protesting in the streets to last a lifetime in the 60s and 70s. But we will have to do a little more. It may change the world. We can’t tackle these big problems alone. Protests at least let us know we are not alone.
And practice self-care. Self-care means different things to different people. It can describe anything you do to look after your own physical and mental wellbeing. It’s a way to build up your energy and strength. But even when lots of things feel out of control – you can decide when and how you show yourself kindness. So that’s what we must do. Take action to change the world and show yourself kindness. Good luck.
Self-care may mean being careful and aware. I will never say don’t congregate with other Jews. In fact, I think there is safety in numbers. But we must be aware of what is going on around us. We know must accept that there may be violent adversaries lurking in the shadows. And we must figure out how to continue to be Jews. Because we must continue to be the light unto the nations.
CARL VINIAR has been a lawyer, mediator, teacher, professor, seminar leader, trainer, service leader, pastoral counselor, son, father, sibling and friend. Now he is now an author, having completed A Guide To Premarital Counseling For Clergy Working With People Remarrying or Marrying Later In Life, which has been posted here on Jewish Sacred Aging.
He can be reached for inquiries about this manual and other related topics at RebCarl2022@gmail.com.
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