I’m Sorry May Not Be That Hard

My Kar-Ben Executive Jewish calendar for 5785 does not name the Torah portion to be read this Shabbat, 17 Tishri, 19 October 2024. This blank was also on October 12 which overlapped with Yom Kippur this year. Not having gone to seminary, this made me very intellectually curious.

I found references to a few parshyot for 19 October. I delved deeper into the one from Chabad. I feel that it ties into the atonement theology of Yom Kippur and the attributes of HaShem which should be before our eyes more so at this time. It is Parsha Shemot from Exodus.

The Chabad translation of Exodus 34:1 in Shemot is, “And the Lord said to Moses: “Hew for yourself two stone tablets like the first ones. And I will inscribe upon the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. ….”

“Which you broke” is a fact. Where is the feeling? How did G-d feel about Moses having broken the first set of tablets? The first set of tablets broke when Moses came down the mountain and saw that the people had lost patience and faith in him that Moses would ever come down the mountain, so the people went ahead and melted their gold into a bull or a calf. Moses told them they had sinned in that action and he, Moses, would ascend back to G-d and apologize for their sin. Moses does not say he would apologize for breaking the tablets. Since one theory is the tablets suddenly became quite heavy and could not be held any longer, maybe Moses felt it was not he who had broken the tablets.

In any case, in Exodus 34:1, G-d does not show the anger that could be expected but rather, simply, you broke the first set of tablets, bring me a new set of tablets, I will inscribe on them, and then you will take the new tablets to the people. Perhaps taking the inscribed tablets with the concise guide to the law to the people was more important than dwelling on the blame for the broken tablets.

In the next aliyah, Exodus 34:6, there is a phrase that is extracted and appears both towards the beginning and towards the end of the Yom Kippur liturgy. It is:  “Adonai, Adonai, El Rachum v’chanun, erech apayim ve’rav chesed ve’emet notzer chesed la’alafim noseh avon vafeshah v’chata’ah v’nakeh.” Adonai, Adonai, El Rachum v’chanun” is a phrase that describes G-d as compassionate, gracious, patient, and forgiving, consoling those who are afflicted, slow to anger, plus other attributes. That is the excerpt which appears in the Yom Kippur liturgy. The Yom Kippur  machzor does not include Exodus 34:7, the “rest of the story,” where “He visits the iniquity of parents on children and children’s children, to the third and fourth generations.” Later in Tanakh, in Ezekiel 18:20, the theory has perhaps evolved and we learn, ”the sins of the parents are not inherited by the children.” 

Writing in The Tablet Magazine, on October 11, 2024, in anticipation of Yom Kippur, Jewish psychotherapist Alter Yisrael Shimon Feurman teaches, “On Yom Kippur, make room for ‘wrong.’  Do not be “The Unrepentant Self.” When Feurman was five or six years old, he had intentionally spilled enough water on his bathroom floor to leak into the apartment below, causing damage. He never admitted he had done that.

Why not?  As a Jewish psychotherapist, Feurman conjectures, “This memory comes to me as we approach Yom Kippur because this would seem to be exactly G-d’s offer on the Day of Atonement as well. Confess (with a modicum of contrition) and you will be forgiven. Easier said than done. …. “Admit what you did and you will be forgiven. It’s a simple formula.” Feurman’s advice: “If we can reflect, we can grow by making room for wrong, we even grow ourselves sometimes by doing wrong.”

Fast forward to August 2024. The Geller family from Israel do an outing to the Hecht Museum of Antiquities, a part of the archeology school of Haifa University. The museum has always exhibited some of its ancient pottery not encased in glass. Mother Anna Geller said she looked away for just a second. Four-year old son Ariel Geller, the child in the family group that day, was so curious about looking inside one of the at least 3,500 year-old pottery vases, that he tipped it over to look inside, but the pottery vase kept tipping and tipping and fractured into pieces on the floor.

Another Jewish moment of opportunity for an apology or not?  Alex Geller, the boy’s father, did go ahead and find a museum security guard and say they were sorry. We did it. The Gellers feared the worst possible punishment, both legal and financial. However, the museum did the unexpected. The museum accepted the apology, restored the vase, leaving one hole to remind all that it had been broken, gave the Geller family a private tour including seeing the restoration in progress, and the museum even accepted a clay vase four-year-old Ariel had made for the museum. The museum still exhibits pottery unprotected, but now has added “Please Do Not Touch” signs.

David Frankel, writing in aish.com, also in anticipation of Yom Kippur this year, reminds us that “All the agonizing hours spent in shul pouring out your heart to G-d won’t alleviate the damage done to another’s feelings. Atonement for these sins can only be gained by requesting forgiveness from those we have hurt. The reason is simple yet fundamental. We must understand that part of our relationship with G-d is the relationship between ourselves and our fellow Jews.”

It is not easy to face another we felt we have wronged and request forgiveness. We fear horrible outcomes, like the other party will not be interested, will turn a cold shoulder, will respond with a horrible argument, or worse. Yet, we are taught that we are b’tselem elohim, in G-d’s image. The Torah gives us G-d’s attributes and requests us to emulate those attributes. This parsha teaches the attribute that sometimes, when someone, your neighbor, friend, or family errs with what you loaned them, like the first set of tablets, it just might be wiser not to dwell on it, especially if, by this person coming before you, you both can move on to higher goals and outcomes.

G-d says, “You broke the tablets, bring me another set of tablets.” G-d sets the example that facing what you did just might not be as fearsome as you imagine. G-d sets the example for us to emulate. Try it in the year beginning.