Is the Word Shiksa Politically Incorrect?

I state loud and clear, I mean NO offense to anyone, as I have many non-Jewish women who have become part of my family, via conversion or not, and are lovely and important people in our mishpachah!

I use the word as a reference to the Netflix show Nobody Wants This that has had great audience acceptance with over 70.4 million viewing hours globally, leaving a large fanbase and a positive acceptance to this much needed rom-com during global times of stress and uncertainty.

What could be more up-lifting than taking our time to engage in a story that shows two single adults going through the romantic process of falling in love? The story unfolds when a Gentile woman, Joanne, and a Jewish man, Noah, casually meet at a party of Millennials. They are attracted to each other from across the room and proceed with the normal course of getting to know one another. They tend to have a quick-witty-snappy-repartee banter which makes the attraction more attractive!

The moment that awakens my senses that deviates from this show just being a rom-com is when Joanne says, and points, “I heard there’s a rabbi here! Oh, that must be him with the beard!” You can see the sudden eye-opening expression on Noah’s face, as he’s the rabbi and startles her with that revelation!  And the courtship moves on from there. And as I believe, the stereotypes proceed.

Please note that the show is written by 42-year-old Erin Foster (daughter of mogul record producer David Foster) who converted to Judaism when she married her LA, Jewish, USC graduate husband and created this show from her experience as a convert. (Personal note: My nephew was a USC buddy of her husband’s, and they worked together for a while after graduating. When Erin decided to convert, she attended classes at Wilshire Blvd. Temple—one of the oldest/largest/wealthiest congregations in Los Angeles. My nephew married a non-Jewish girl and after they had kids she decided to convert and went to Wilshire Blvd. Temple to attend conversion classes with the same rabbi Erin did! 6 degrees of separation!)

So, the word shiksa is mentioned several times throughout the 10, 30-minute episodes, and it’s curious if there is any offense taken by the word that means a non-Jewish female. Does the connotation still hold up today as a negative reference or has it been defused over the years with so many interfaith marriages?

If you sit comfortably with a bowl of popcorn, you can binge-watch the first season as though you were watching a movie. But if you’re like me, I need to digest each episode and sleep on it!

 And if after reading this article so far, you might be asking yourself, “What’s the relevance of a rom-com in Jewish Sacred Aging?”

As my fingers dance the keyboard like a piano piece, I hear a dark tune that is bubbling inside me because this very popular TV show is about a Jewish subject, and it matters a lot in today’s world filled with antisemitism. How Judaism and Jews are portrayed is vital to the safety of all Jews. And because this rom-com is streaming world-wide, I have concerns on how it will be perceived, because, as we know and experience, Jews are facing widespread negative play on a global scale. And if you’re saying, “Lighten up, Sandy, it’s only a TV show!” well, I’ve already been told that but after discussing this show with others, the various opinions from Baby Boomers, Gen Xers, and Gen Zs, are what makes me write about it!

First off, I felt the story was very surfacy, as the man could have been a Jewish doctor or lawyer BUT because he was a rabbi, there are many more considerations, questions and consequences involved. There is a great scene at a Jewish camp where Noah takes Joanne for a weekend so she can see some of what his job entails. Joanne approaches a group of 14-year-old girl campers and introduces herself as the rabbi’s shiksa girlfriend! You can only guess the expression on the faces of the teens! This info becomes a source of gossip and somewhat confusion for them as they exchange side-way glances. I could just imagine these girls saying to their parents: “We go to Sunday School, Hebrew School and Confirmation and learn what Judaism is and how we need to continue the traditions! What kind of example is the rabbi setting for us?”

Personally, I never felt Noah had passion for being a rabbi. When Joanne asked him, “Why did you become a rabbi?” his comment was, “I felt like Judaism could change the world.” He didn’t say, “Maybe I could change the world!” I just never felt his devotion to being a rabbi. I felt he had more of a grandiose vision of becoming Head-Rabbi at a prestigious synagogue. I felt he went through the rituals with no passion. (Actor Adam Brody is Jewish, had a Bar Mitzvah, grew up in San Diego, doesn’t see himself involved in Judaism today.) One Baby Boomer said to me, “He didn’t even pronounce the Hebrew prayer correctly!”

I didn’t see much chemistry or passion between Noah and Joanne. I thought the two main characters were not cast well. He was portrayed as a cool/hip rabbi, but something was missing for me, no Yiddishkeit, no haimishness, no devotion for Judaism.  I felt Joanne was not a warm person, lived in her LA bubble and was just blah. I did think the other actors were great!

Would the story have had a different spin if it took place in New York, Chicago, Miami, or Philadelphia? I’m a native Angeleno, and the implication of him being second in line, at such a young age, to becoming head rabbi at “That big Temple on Wilshire Blvd” has great status. Was he sure this position was truly his life’s passion or was he just floating through life not truly sure what his vocational aspirations were? (Would the rabbi at a Jewish camp or JCC been more his style?)

By the end of season one, I wondered if Noah wanted the relationship more than the head-rabbi position. At any point does he ask himself, “How is it that wanting this woman is more important than what I’ve worked for my entire professional life?” Is being in-love more important to him than being the head-rabbi? The last five minutes of season one, without giving away a spoiler-alert, tells us lots about his sacrifice and character development!

Joanne, the shiksa, who’s profession is sharing a podcast with her sister about relationships, romance, sexual play, and societal norms via the challenges of dating, through lively and transparent discussions with listeners. For whatever reason that she is attracted to Noah, she is introduced into a new world through his work and family. She must navigate not only what he does for a living, but also the Jewish nuances of his family. Her family is a gay father with a boyfriend, that is lovingly involved with her, her sister and mother. Their families couldn’t be more different.

After speaking with Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Gen Zs, there is no consensus on whether this show creates Jewish stereotypes or neutralizes them. More Baby Boomers thought it created stereotypes while the Gen Xers and Gen Zs were mixed. Noah’s mother is certainly a Jewish stereotype, as is the food, the Bat Mitzvah party, and the Temple president. One Gen Z expressed, “I think the show tore down stereotypes by neutralizing Jews showing they were just a normal family that watches out for their own and has their own traditions and rituals, like any other family with religion.”

The one issue everyone agreed upon was that Joanne had no clue, because no one explained to her, what the position and responsibility of a rebbetzin is. I grew up living across the street from our rabbi and his family, so I know what his wife went through to uphold the status and normalcy of their family plus the needs of the congregation. Her life was not always her own because of the needs of a 500-member plus community. She was always on call for the sick, the dying, the preparation for shiva, and so much more!

From my perspective, and we don’t know the outcome yet, I think Joanne would be overwhelmed with her responsibilities as a rabbi’s wife. If they were to get married, conversion or not, I think the relationship would be taxed by issues she was not wanting to cope with because her makeup was not equipped to handle the role. And would it be okay with Noah if she opted out of being a hands-on rabbi’s wife? And most importantly for both of them, is the option of conversion for all the right reasons?

In the final episode, she declares to him, “I’m doing this because I love you!”  Is this statement shallow or loving? Did she begin to question if his life and religion would compromise or enhance hers? Or is the romance bigger than any future ups or downs?

I do question myself for pulling apart a story that is being so widely viewed and loved. I wonder if during the writing/filming if the hard questions about how Jews and non-Jews would perceive the subject matter was considered or if it was all about a possible successful rom-com?

For me, it’s all about the sensitivity to the global Jewish problems and perception of Jewish identity and culture in the 21^st Century.

Note that season two will be airing next Rosh Hashanah and more Jewish writers and showrunners have been hired to bring a deeper perspective to the lively conversations that have been spurred because of Nobody Wants This.

It will be a Shonda if they don’t do right in season two by delving deeper into what goes beyond this interfaith rom-com, especially whenone partner is a rabbi and represents so much more than his self-interests. As Jews, we have so much to lose or gain from this simple love story.

So, is shiksa politically incorrect in the 21 Century?

According to Webster—WHOOPS! I mean Al, “The term shiksa is Yiddish in origin and traditionally refers to a non-Jewish woman. The word comes from the Hebrew word sheketz, meaning something impure or blemished, depending upon the context and tone, whether it’s used as a judgement or in a derogatory way and can be offensive and dismissive.  THOUGH in modern times it does not necessarily carry a negative connation and can be used lightheartedly. In more recent context, it’s referred to cultural and religious differences without implying a value judgement.”

So, whether you’re contemplating the connotation of the word “shiksa” in today’s world and if the TV show Nobody Wants This is just a lighthearted rom-com or has a questionable message, we can glean that we have the choice to retain our perceptions as they have always been or evolve into a somewhat unfamiliar space of acceptance that the world has/is changing all around us. Oy vey!