Kaddish prayer…

There are five variants of the well known prayer called Kaddish, the most well-known variant is called the Mourners Kaddish. 

It would seem from the name Mourners Kaddish, the prayer would either speak to or on behalf of grief ridden mourners — but it doesn’t!!

It can be said that it was really a brilliant move on behalf of the author to NOT talk about the deceased in the prayer, or how grief stricken the mourner is.

Everyone who is saying Kaddish may have different feelings, as not every relationship is the same. 

There are those saying Kaddish  — who are actually mad at, or angry with, the deceased — for a myriad of possible reasons.  Perhaps there was abuse, violence, coldness, estrangement, anger, abandonment  —  and yet when a parent or sibling dies, the saying of Kaddish can bring a modicum of peace to the survivor.  

Perhaps in the quiet undertones of prayer we can forgive, ask forgiveness, make amends, or put a stamp of finality to end what was not the best of relationships.    

On the other hand, there might have been love, complete devotion, caring and closeness.  

One prayer could NOT possibly address all the varying degrees of relationships, nor should the prayer, intended to bring solace, bring pain by enumerating all possible types of relationships. 

In the quiet of our minds and in the depths of our hearts…we get to fill in the blanks. What the prayer does NOT say is how we — the living — MUST offer accolades when perhaps they would be inappropriate, nor reflect how we actually feel.  No one need know, the prayer is personal, and we all cry (or not cry) for different reasons. 

While we get comfort from community, the Kaddish prayer is singularly for the survivor alone.

How thoughtful and understanding it was to compose a prayer for all mourners to feel physically connecting to community (minyon) & spiritually connecting to G-d, without causing anyone further grief.

BRILLIANT!