Celebrating the wisdom of elderhood
“Teach us to count our days rightly, that we may obtain a heart of wisdom.”
Limnot Yameinu – למנות ימנו – Psalms 90:12
So who’s counting? I am!
I wake up every morning and say “Modah Ani” – I am so grateful to be here. I am alive. I am now 71 years old. Holy Moses, indeed!
In the year prior to my 70th birthday, I began a conversation with Rabbi Richard Address, asking him to help me celebrate my ‘coming of age’. No — not another Bat Mitzvah — been there/done that. I’m not reaching for adulthood again.
Rather, I wanted a true celebration of reaching elderhood.
Rabbi Address, along with my daughter, Cantor Lauren Goodlev, designed a very powerful ceremony to acknowledge this important milestone.
Little did we appreciate then how very significant the timing of our ultimate celebration would be.
This journey started on my actual 70th birthday, on a bucket list trip to Jewish Eastern Europe with my husband Michael. Before the itinerary was completed, I had assumed I’d spend the actual day with him at some lovely café in Budapest or Prague. But as it turned out, June 26 was scheduled for a visit to Auschwitz-Birkenau, outside Krakow. We walked the grounds and went inside the buildings and mourned the history. The group ended the day all together solemnly chanting “Am Yisrael Chai.”
That could be enough for an acknowledgement of my 70 years on earth. I was blessed to be alive.
But since I also wanted to celebrate the occasion, I came home to plan my “Simchat Chochma” — my “Celebration of Wisdom” — with Rabbi Address and my daughter. I wanted the event to be uplifting and engaging for my whole family and friends. I wanted to share my wisdom and also gather in all of theirs.
So Michael and I invited a few dozen members of our immediate and extended family and close friends to spend an evening with us at a place I hold sacred: our back deck, overlooking our wooded backyard. It is my holy place, where I speak to God on occasion. Lauren suggested we design some symbolism around a Tree of Life Mural to which all could contribute words. Rabbi Address built on that idea, and suggested we plant an actual tree…and so we did!
Michael purchased a small Carolina Sweetheart Redbud, with pink-purple flowers, which we planted prior to the event. We asked guests to bring me words of wisdom: If they were younger than 70, we asked for something they had learned from me; if they were older than 70, we asked for some wisdom they wanted to share with me. Everyone brought their offerings, or if they could not attend, they emailed them in to our son Rob, for sharing at the ceremony.
Then we began at 5pm on a warm October evening on our back deck:
Lauren opened with a beautiful niggun, and Rabbi Address explained the essence of the Simchat Chochma — a ceremonial gathering to acknowledge the wisdom of elderhood.
I shared some words of my wisdom of 70 years, and then Lauren guided the multiple offerings from the guests of their respective shtikels of wisdom for me.
Next came the Birkat Kohanim where all the clergy present, and there were quite a few, blessed me. Words do not describe the profound feeling I experienced at that moment.
Lauren closed the ceremony with Oseh Shalom and our grandkids helped with Kiddush, Motzi, and of course, a Shehechiyanu. And then what else? We all enjoyed some delicious food!
For a complete sense of closure, Michael and I subsequently transferred all the wisdom onto compostable paper and had a little private ceremony ourselves, planting them under the beautiful tree.
Here’s the added import of that day of my Simchat Chochma.
It was October 8, 2023.
We had of course heard the news from Israel from the day prior but had yet to know all the ramifications of Hamas’ horrific attack the day before. We were all in shock. I think we are all still in shock.
But of course, upon hearing of the tragedy of October 7, we did not cancel my planned celebration. Weddings take precedence over funerals. Similarly, all simchot — celebrations — need to proceed. Life goes on. We Jews know that — Am Yisrael Chai!
But the timing surely added significance to my Simchat Chochma. Added weight. Added appreciation for our being alive. Being blessed. Knowing how important each day is, Modah Ani. I am more than grateful.
The ceremony was incredibly powerful for me. I hope you will consider designing your own Simchat Chochma, Celebration of Wisdom. Rabbi Address (and I!) would love to help you do so.
Limnot Yameinu. Count our days.
So who’s counting? I am. Maybe you, too?
Phyllis Shoshana Savar Levy, Mashpi’ah Ruchanit, is now well into her professional second act.
A graduate of The Wharton School, with an MBA in Finance and Marketing, she spent 40+ years in the corporate world creating new consumer products. She pivoted five years ago to study to become a Mashpi’ah Ruchanit, a Spiritual Director, in the Jewish Renewal tradition. In that role, she is fulfilling her lifelong interest in ‘Making Judaism Juicy Again’ for as many Jews as she can!
Her fondest roles, however, are as wife of more than fifty years to Dr. Michael Levy, mother and mother-in-law of Rob and wife Haley, and Lauren and husband Eric, and now Bubbe of five precious new little humans: Sammy, Eli, Asher, Liam and Arden.
Beautiful! This is such a lovely reminder to remember our blessings and mark our moments in time. Thanks for sharing!
Stefanie – Thank You! I really appreciate these words, coming from such a wonderful writer as you! ❤️
Thank you, Stefanie. High praise from a writer whom I admire, and a friend I treasure!
Chag Sameach!
Into my 8th decade, I like your approach. I would share the “words of wisdom” of Groucho Marx: “Old age is not for sissies.”
Indeed! Thank you so much, Cary, for reading and commenting so kindly!