Now that some of the ageist rhetoric has calmed down regarding aspects of the election, maybe we can look at some ideas related to how we grow older, or, as we mature. There still seems to be this social obsession about a number. It is like there is some magic formula tied to when a person reaches certain ages, an expectation of certain types of behavior. We do not do this with people when they are younger. A group of teens may act differently, and it is accepted as they are growing older at their own pace, subject to a slew of variables. This variable judgement is also applied to people in middle age as they are also subject to so many circumstances. Yet, once, it seems, as we get older, different standards seem to be used. The reality is, as many of us know, false.
In many of the discussions there was a lot of focus on the age of 80, the age, according to Pirke Avot, of “might”. Many of us know people who are that age (a few of us may be that age, and older) and it seems safe to say that each may be aging very differently. Again, so many variables such as health, companionship, genetics, and more. We do such a disservice to people, and society, to make blanket judgements about a number. In truth, we have many ages, all at the same time, and that is something else we rarely examine.
As we have discussed here, and in many workshops, we really have three “ages” operating at the same time. We have a chronological age: the number of years we have lived. We have a biological age, the way our body is. We may know some people, say at 80, whose body has begun to seriously decline and thus hinders their mobility and activities of daily life. Next door there may be a person of the same age whose body has bit aged the same way. Maybe it was because of genetics, or working out or lifestyle etc. The same number of years, but different physical and mental realities. That third “age”, well, that may be the most challenging for that is what we call our “spiritual age”. The age that we “feel.” This also is subject to so many variables. A challenge, of course, is how we balance these ages. As Anne Lamott recently wrote in an op-ed for the Washington Post: “Older age can be a balancing act—how much to put out, how hard to try, how much to let go. And if things aren’t working, how to accept with grace.”
The next time you find yourself hanging out with friends, ask them to share with you these three ages and how they see them. Age is more than just a number as we have “ages” that exist within us all throughout our lives. They combine to form who we are and a gift our Jewish tradition is the understanding that no matter where we are in our life’s journey, growth, learning, relationships and love are always there for us. Never stop living!
Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address
Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min, is the Founder and Director of www.jewishsacredaging.com. Rabbi Address served for over three decades on staff of the Union for Reform Judaism; first as a Regional Director and then, beginning in 1997, as Founder and Director of the URJ’s Department of Jewish Family Concerns and served as a specialist and consultant for the North American Reform Movement in the areas of family related programming. Rabbi Address was ordained from Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in 1972 and began his rabbinic career in Los Angeles congregations. He also served as a part time rabbi for Beth Hillel in Carmel, NJ while regional director and, after his URJ tenure, served as senior rabbi of Congregation M’kor Shalom in Cherry Hill, NJ from 2011-2014.
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