Psychology teaches us that “anger” is a secondary emotional response. It is a response to a far more primary emotion or experience. But what is that most basic experience that would generate that most basic primary emotion? Stopping and giving some serious thought as to what angers us might be the first step in learning to understand and control our emotions.
Throughout the Torah, Moses frequently expresses his anger. We initially find this in his killing the Egyptian taskmaster, his breaking of the first Ten Commandment tablets, his striking the rock rather than speaking to it to get water to flow, and his insistence that all the adult women, boys, and non-virginal females of the Midianites be slaughtered. So what experiences undergird these responses and possibly others?
God, more often than not, also responds initially with anger before unleashing judgements which might include plagues, fiery serpents, the earth opening its mouth to swallow up those who rebel, and His insistence that pagan tribes be eradicated.
When Moses first encounters God in the burning bush and hears God’s mission for him, he is reluctant, not believing he is capable to fulfill this mission. He gives reasons for his reluctance, but God, in effect, is saying, “Let this be a challenge for you.” God’s subtext here is, “Let me make you an offer you can’t refuse.” God does not take “no” for an answer. Thus, Moses is thrust reluctantly onto the stage of history to be ultimately viewed as the greatest prophet of all time and the hero who ultimately brings the Children of Israel to the Promised Land though not able to enter because God is still angry at him for not honoring Him by striking the rock rather than speaking to it.
So what are the more primary feelings that are expressed with anger by both God and Moses? Each time Moses expresses anger he is confronted by the people he has led and tried to nourish because of their behavior which indicates that they have not learned the lessons he has tried to teach them and have rejected the wonders placed before them. His frustration and feelings of rejection for all his efforts and sacrifices are primary emotions that express themselves in anger. In effect, he is saying, “Why have you not listened to me?” “Why have you not accepted the reality of your God?” “Why have you rejected me and betrayed me at every turn?”
Moses’ “I Message” might have been: “When I hear these complaints about not having water or meat to eat knowing full well that you have always been provided for by God, I feel frustrated and betrayed and start to wonder if I can fulfill the purpose God has given me, and if my life can be counted as a success.”
God’s anger is primarily generated by the ingratitude He sees among His people, but God’s underlying feeling that generates this anger is definitely betrayal and discount. God brought these people out of slavery in Egypt, split the Sea of Reeds so they could escape the Egyptian army, gave them the Ten Commandments and the Torah, gave them water and manna so they could be sustained, and had Moses, Aaron, and Miriam model correct behavior for them. Still this “stiff necked people ” rebelled at every turn, and at one point some worshiped a golden calf and some bowed down to Baal. “How much more could I have done for them to believe in Me?” “How can they continue to discount what I have done for them?” “How can they continue to discount me!?” God’s primary emotions that generate His anger are feelings of discount and betrayal.
God’s “I Message” might have been: “When I see the people I rescued from slavery, given my Torah, and brought to the Promised Land behave in ways contrary to My laws, I start to feel discounted and betrayed which generates the thought that there are those among my human creations that just cannot be pleased.”
I cannot help but think about all the people who are angry at their siblings, their parents, their friends, their spouses, and their children. I can’t help but think about all the children who are angry at their parents, their siblings, etc. Have they ever stopped to think about what has actually generated that anger and addressed what lies beneath? If people could identify the cause of the anger, face it, and utter it, perhaps there can be reconciliation if “I messages” are made.
If we all could stop for a moment and think of what we are really feeling before our anger, a secondary emotional response kicks in and take time to quietly make some sort of “I Message,” perhaps we can make our lives less stressful.
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