Vayishlach (Genesis 32:4-36:43) The Curious Journey With Adult Children

photo of a desert a mountain range a clear sky
Photo by Suliman Sallehi on Pexels.com

We come to one of the more powerful portions in our Torah cycle. This is the portion where Jacob and Esau meet for the first time after the events of the blessing and birthright. This is the portion in which Jacob wrestles with someone, something or himself, and as a result his name is changed. This is the portion where Jacob and Esau reconcile instead of harming each other. The drama of these verses cannot be overstated, and I have no doubt that those of you who attend Torah study this Shabbat will delve into the psycho-spiritual aspects of this story.
But this week, I wanted to call your attention to a very tragic and challenging story that jumps into the text. That is the story of the daughter of Jacob and Leah, Dinah. (see chapter 34) Jacob and his family have settled nicely by Shechem in Canaan. One day she goes out “to visit the daughters of the land”. Shechem, son of Hamor see her, is attracted to her and lays with her “by force”. He falls in love with her and asks his dad to negotiate a bride price for her with Jacob. They bargain and a deal is struck that Jacob will agree only if Hamor and his people get circumcised. (verses 18-24). It seems that Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi, angered at the treatment of their sister, took matters into their own hands and as the Canaanites were recovering, attacked, slaying all (25ff). Jacob’s rebuke to his sons focused on how this would change how people would perceive them “You have brought trouble on me making me odious among the inhabitants of the land”, Simeon and Levi answer this rebuke with a stark statement in 34:31: “Should our sister be treated like a whore?”
This is not one of the stories we teach in religious school. Yet, sadly, it has elements that speak to us today. In a just published commentary on urj.org, Rabbi Dr. Wendy Zierler relates this story of the rape of Dinah to the events of October 7. Other commentaries speak of the fact that when confronted with the reality of what happened to his daughter, Jacob is silent.(34:5,6) Plaut, in his comment (p.229) says that perhaps the killing of Shechem and Hamor could be “justified”, but what about the killing of so many if the innocents of that city? Naomi Rosenblatt, In her Wrestling With Angels”, notes that this story discusses “the limits of retribution and the right of self-defense against a complex political, psychological, and moral background” (p.309). This echoes so much of the debate now around Gaza and the Middle East.
Yet, Rosenblatt goes on to look at a curious and meaningful view on the relationship between Jacob and his sons. In essence, she asks the question of the nature of the relationship between Jacob and his adult children. How much authority does a parent have over their adult children? “Sometimes”, she writes, “we lack the courage to correct our children when we see them stepping out of bounds” (311). Should Jacob have sat down with his sons when the news of what happened to Dinah was known and cautioned them on how they should react? Was no reaction a tacit approval to do as they saw fit?
I another revealing commentary in his book “The Beginning of Wisdom”, Leon Kass notes that at the beginning of 34, Dinah is identified as the “daughter of Leah” and wonders of this may be indicative that Jacob had little relationship with his daughter. Was Jacob’s silence born out of a sense of guilt that he had so little of a relationship with Dinah? Do we sometimes relate differently to our children as they grow and mature?
How do we deal with our own adult children? What borders and boundaries do we now have to respect and what are the consequences if we do not? (34:5,6)
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address

Be the first to comment

What are your thoughts?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.