At a recent dinner with friends, the discussion became heated with how we, as Baby Boomers, deal with the overwhelming changes we must endure. The comments were varied, some with outraged anger, others were, “What changes?” while a few were, “That’s life!” The comments seemed to be about health, money, travel, moving and children while some expressed that, “Life couldn’t be better!”
One woman had recently become widowed and though she was relieved that her very sick husband was now out of pain, she was infuriated that after 55 years of marriage he had never taught her how to manage their finances. When she did inquire about money, he told her never to worry about such matters. So she never worried — until now, because she had no clue about their bank accounts, how much money they actually had because spending money was never a problem. She did not know how to pay a bill, taxes or where to even look for their banking and asset information. Her only child lived out of the country and was no help to her. She felt great anger with her husband for keeping her in the dark, whether it was a loving gesture or if he thought she was not smart enough to understand.
Most of my dinner friends kvetched about the aches and pains of aging and how they were limited in what used to be their normal activities. One gentleman actually bragged about his prowess at tennis, golf and swimming. He had engaged in these activities weekly for his entire life and now could barely do pickle ball. He actually admitted that this was a failure of his manliness and was very depressed at his limitations.
One fellow kept saying, “That’s life! What are you going to do?” Someone finally confronted him and said we have to look beyond that it’s just life, and “Make productive changes; that we must consider the patterns of our behaviors and check if we continually make wrong decisions without accountability. “That’s psychobabble,” he threw back, “Sometimes you are blessed with good fortune and sometimes you aren’t, regardless of how hard you try. Some people have mazel and some don’t.”
One couple gave us a travelogue on their numerous world-wide adventures. They had been to over 20 countries, always visiting synagogues and Jewish quarters, and felt they were authorities on the best airlines, luggage, cities, points of interest and cuisines. They often traveled with no itinerary other than planning day-by-day, while doing whatever they wanted. Before covid, they made their last big trip and during quarantine, planned the next one. After both having had the virus, they confessed to not feeling up to such a big excursion and decided a cruise would be easier. They liked the ship and what it had to offer but felt the cruise was limiting; it was not the same as their past days of traveling as free wanderers. Then they realized it was THEM that was limiting — they just weren’t as young as they used to be and couldn’t do what they used to do.
Our dinner event was to say good-bye to a couple who was moving out-of-state. After living in the same city their entire lives, selling the big house and living with their kids and grandkids for a few years, the kids were now down-sizing as the grandkids went off to college. Because of the extraordinary prices of homes in California, my friends could not find a home under $800,000 or even rent a two-bedroom condo for less than $4000 a month! They did find a beautiful home, in an over-50s community and not in their ideal state but where the temperatures are as high as California prices! Luckily, they have a cousin and some friends there. They are not happy about the move, as they will be away from the kids and grandkids and it’s greatly affected them emotionally but know that at this stage in their lives, it’s the logical option.
One gentleman, who had been divorced for some years, told us he had married too young, raised his family, was financially successful and now was living like a teenager! He shared that there were lots of lovely women to date who he loved to wine and dine and had his pick of different ladies every night, if he wanted. I surveyed the table at that moment: Most men smiled/snickered or gave him a high-5 while the woman shook their heads!
And then there were our hosts for the evening: A couple who had married later in life, had no children, both were retired for over 20 years, obviously financially secure, still very much in love and toasted the group with, “To all of you: And this too shall pass.”
My take-away from that very interesting evening was:
-The only thing constant in life is change!
-When you make plans, G-d laughs!
-Change is debilitating when done to you and exhilarating when you do it!
-And always have a Plan B!
And when the going gets tough, just tell yourself, “And this too shall pass.”
As a Baby Boomer Bubbe who still feels 18 but has four grand kids to prove this is the 21 Century, Sandra writes to leave a legacy for the next generations. Her belief that these precious kids need to know their cultural and family’s past in order for them to live their future is all the muse she needs!
She has a Master’s Degree in Psychology and Cross Cultural studies, has written a family history, personal memoir and is completing her first novel.
Her grandmother’s journey to America and life is her source for her deep belief and love for Judaism.
No one mentioned, or you didn’t share, the loss of loved ones, friends, and community members that comprised their community. The hardest part of aging for me is losing my cohort and their connection to my life.